Seemingly no early warning signs. No previous suicide attempts that I knew of. I was horrified. Confused. She was so beautiful. Very overweight, yes – and most probably battling with that. Struggling to live life, yes. But we were friends. I thought she would tell me if she had suicidal thoughts. She didn't. I was mortified. I felt guilty. What did I not do? What did I do? Why couldn't she reach out to me? Did she tell me in some way, and I wasn't listening?
What did I know anyway? We were both in our early teens. What could I have done? Even if I had known? Could I have stopped her?
Another friend decided to end his tormented life. Initially, when I got to know him, I found out he was on several drugs. Bad stuff. Including Pethidine. He had free access at the hospital he worked at. One day he slit his wrists in the most gruesome way, while living in my home. I found him in a pool of blood. This was after conflict with a married man who lived at my place with his wife and two kids. At the hospital, in the emergency ward, struggling to live, he told me the guy was also his drug pusher and secret sex partner - more like a sex-slave! He then went into treatment at the centre I worked at.
We tried our best to help him and love him as he was. But he ended treatment prematurely.
He drifted aimlessly, with deep inner pain, refusing help.
Then he decided to end it. He travelled over 1400 km to a city to find a way out of his pain. He purposefully found someone whom he knew had AIDS and slept with him to ensure he contracted the lethal virus! His choice was a slow suicide. In those years there were no ARV's available. He would not take them anyway. He wanted to die. He had made his choice.
This was in the early1980's. Did he make it? Where is he now? I don't know.
What could I have done? And the same questions came up then as they do now.
So here are some guidelines that come out of my training, counselling and working in crises situations:
- listen with your ears and heart
- always take statements or suggestions about suicidal thinking seriously
- give yourself and your love, knowing it's the most powerful gift you can give
- ask for courage to do what you can
- ask for serenity to let go of what you cannot do
- listen some more
- get to know and read the early warning signs of a possible suicide threat
- take all signs of depression seriously – get to know what they are
- be a true friend – for me this is one of the greatest preventative keys
- make yourself available (time, via cell, email or chat etc.)
- listen some more
- don't give flippant solutions or answers like: “Pull yourself together”; “You'll get over this” or “Things aren't as bad as they seem”
- get help yourself if you feel out of control in the situation
- call in a trusted friend, medical doctor or other professional
- call the emergency services, police or hospital, if need be
- refer to Life Line or other crisis intervention services and support the person to contact them
- follow-up (this says “I'm taking you seriously” and shows support)
- if you are having any suicidal thoughts or feelings of helplessness, reach out right now (call a trusted friend, loved one, relative, me or any contacts as mentioned in this post)
- if you are suicidal, know there is another way out other than taking your own life – there are reasons to stay alive even if you can't or don't want to see them
- never give up, there is always hope
- contact me as soon as possible (for yourself or someone at risk)
- get to a local support group or online service urgently
Here are a few links to sites to help you help someone (or yourself) who may be a suicide risk.
DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) - an online resource for immediate help
Go to my Links section
NCSP (National Council for Suicide Prevention) - although based in the USA, it has several vital resource links
No comments:
Post a Comment